My Drunk Stumble Through French Wine Tours

French wine tours, yo, they’re like picking between tacos and pizza—both slap, but you gotta choose. I’m slumped on my creaky couch in my tiny Brooklyn apartment, sipping a glass of Pinot)|^|Pinot that’s honestly a bit too warm ‘cause I forgot to stick it in the fridge. I’m still spinning from my wild, wine-fueled trip through France last summer, trying to sort out this whole Burgandy vs Bordeaux thing. I’m no fancy sommelier, just a gal who loves wine, France, and maybe oversharing a little (oops). So, here’s my sloppy, real-deal take on which French wine tour you should go for. It’s gonna be a mess, but a fun one.

I thought I’d roll into France like some chic wine queen, but nah, I was a total disaster. Picture me, jet-lagged, spilling Bordeaux on my white sneakers in some fancy chateau. Like, why am I this way? Anyway, I’m gonna break down Burgandy vs Bordeaux wine tours, with all my dumb mistakes and happy accidents, so you can pick the right French wine tour for you.

Why French Wine Tours Are My Kind of Hot Mess

French wine tours are like summer camp for grown-ups, but with better booze and prettier views. I learned this the hard way when I booked a Burgandy wine tour on a whim, thinking I’d be all classy. Nope. I tripped over a vine in Beaune and nearly face-planted into a Chardonnay barrel. The vibes, though? Pure magic. French vineyards are so damn pretty—rolling hills, golden light, like a freakin’ postcard. The wine tastes like history, no lie.

Bordeaux, though? It’s got this big, bougie energy. Those chateaux are straight-up castles, and I felt like a scrub in my ripped jeans. I did a Bordeaux wine tour in Médoc and totally butchered saying “Merlot” (Mer-low? Mer-lot? Send help). The guide gave me this sad smile, and I wanted to crawl under a table. But both French wine tours got me hooked, and I’m here to help you figure out which one’s your vibe.

Burgandy Wine Tours: Cozy Vibes and Pinot Dreams

Burgandy wine tours are like chilling with your best friend, sipping something silky and vibey. It’s all about small, family-run vineyards with this sneaky, cozy charm. I wandered through Côte d’Or, and every winery had a story—like some monk from forever ago invented this wine or something. My fave was Vosne-Romanée, where I tasted a Pinot Noir so smooth I forgot how to function. True story: I got so into sniffing the wine, trying to act fancy, that I didn’t notice my glass was empty. Cringe city, but so worth it.

Here’s why a Burgandy wine tour might be your thing:

• Small and Personal: You’re talking to the actual winemaker, not some tour guide drone.
• Pinot and Chardonnay Love: Light, smooth wines that feel like a warm hug.
• Food That’s Fire: Escargot, creamy cheeses—I paired a Gevrey-Chambertin with a croissant and almost wept.
• Cute Villages: Beaune’s like a French grandma’s house, all warm and cozy.

Bordeaux Wine Tours: Big Energy, Big Reds

Bordeaux wine tours are like the rock stars of French wine—loud, bold, and extra as hell. I did a tour in Saint-Émilion, and those chateaux were so fancy I felt like I was in a Jane Austen novel. The wines? Big, punchy reds like Cabernet Sauvignon that hit you in the face. I sipped a Pomerol at Château Pétrus and faked knowing what “tannins” meant while everyone else nodded like pros. Word of advice: Google wine terms before you go, unless you wanna look like a total noob (hi, me).

Here’s the deal with Bordeaux wine tours:

• Fancy Vibes: Huge estates and wines that scream “I’m important.”
• Blends That Slap: Bordeaux mixes grapes, so the flavors are wild and complex.
• History Geek Bonus: Saint-Émilion’s medieval streets are UNESCO-level cool. I got lost and photobombed a wedding. Whoops.
• Food Game Strong: Pair those reds with steak or duck. I had duck confit in Bordeaux that I’m still not over.

My Embarrassing French Wine Tour Moments

Real talk: French wine tours sound all glamorous, but I was a walking trainwreck. In Burgandy, I tried to do the whole “taste and spit” thing, but I just… kept drinking. Every time. The winemaker in Nuits-Saint-Georges looked at me like, “Girl, what?” In Bordeaux, I got so hyped about a Cabernet blend that I knocked over my glass, splashing a super expensive tablecloth. I bet Château Margaux still curses my name. But those screw-ups made the French wine tours so damn fun, and I learned what makes each place special.

Burgandy’s your jam if you want cozy, personal vibes and wines that feel like a secret. Bordeaux is for bold, in-your-face flavors and feeling like a wine VIP. Both French wine tours are unreal, but it’s like choosing between a chill dive bar and a rooftop club.

Tips from My Tipsy French Wine Tour Fails

Here’s some advice from my, uh, less-than-stellar French wine tour moments:

• Learn Some Wine Words: I thought “terroir” was a cheese. Spoiler: it’s not.
• Dress Okay-ish: Bordeaux’s fancy, so maybe skip the ripped jeans. Burgandy’s cool with whatever.
• Pace Yourself: Tasting 10 wines in an hour sounds fun ‘til you’re snoozing in a vineyard (yep, me).
• Ask Questions: Winemakers love to nerd out. I asked about oak barrels in Burgandy and got a 20-minute rant that was low-key awesome.
• Book Small Tours: Less people means better stories and no pressure to act bougie.

Check out Wine Enthusiast’s guide to French wine regions or Bordeaux’s tourism site for more planning ideas.

So, Which French Wine Tour’s Your Deal?

Back in my cramped Brooklyn pad, staring at a wine stain on my couch (why am I like this?), I’m still torn. A French wine tour in Burgandy’s like a big, cozy hug—small, soulful, perfect for Pinot lovers. Bordeaux is bold, flashy, and makes you feel like wine royalty. I’m kinda team Burgandy for the chill vibes, but Bordeaux’s big reds keep calling my name. Am I making sense? Probs not. Wine’s messy, and I’m here for it.