My Hot Mess of a Trip: France with Kids

France with kids. Yo, what was I even thinking? I’m sitting here in my Ohio kitchen, coffee cold, kid’s crayon scribbles all over my table, and I’m still recovering from our family trip to France last summer. Like, who takes a 6- and 8-year-old to a place full of fragile pastries and fancy museums? Me, that’s who. Total rookie move. I’m that mom who pictured us all chic and cultured, but ended up with Nutella on my jeans and a missing flip-flop in some castle garden. Here’s my unfiltered, slightly embarrassing scoop on the best family-friendly stuff to do in France, straight from my frazzled American brain.

Why France with Kids? My Dumb, Dreamy Logic

Real talk: I booked France because I got sucked into those Pinterest boards of families frolicking in lavender fields, kids in cute hats, looking all European. Newsflash? My kids, Emma and Max, don’t do hats, and lavender fields are basically bee raves. Day one in Provence, Emma freaked out because a bee “stared at her.” I’m standing there in my wrinkled Target dress, sweating, trying to calm her down while French folks sipped wine and side-eyed us. But, like, France with kids is still kinda magical, even when it’s a total disaster. The smells, the colors, the vibes—it’s worth the chaos. Just pack allergy meds and maybe some chill.

Kid-Friendly France: Paris Without a Total Meltdown

Paris with kids sounds like a horror movie, right? Packed subways, grumpy waiters, museums screaming “no running!” But, yo, it’s not all bad. We hit up the Jardin des Tuileries Paris Tourism Site, and it was clutch. The playground there? Saved my life. Emma and Max went wild on the slides while I chugged a $10 coffee, trying not to cry over the price. There’s this old carousel, too, with creepy-cool horses. Max demanded four rides, and I was too wiped to say no.

• Tip: Pack Goldfish or something. The park’s snacks cost more than my car payment.
• Cringe moment: I dropped my phone in a pile of leaves. Some French dude helped me dig it out, probably thinking I was a total mess. He wasn’t wrong.

Then there’s the Cité des Sciences et de l’Industrie Cité des Sciences. It’s like a science museum on energy drinks, with a whole kid zone called La Cité des Enfants. Emma got obsessed with some water exhibit, soaked her shoes, and I missed our Louvre slot because I was dealing with wet socks. But she was so stoked, I couldn’t even be mad.

Family-Friendly France: Biking the Seine Like Clueless Tourists

Biking the Seine sounded so cute for our France family vacation. I booked a tour with Fat Tire Tours Fat Tire Tours, imagining us cruising past bridges like a wholesome postcard. Reality? Max’s shoelace got stuck in the bike chain, and Emma kept stopping to pick flowers. I was yelling “Pedal, dude!” while dodging locals who 100% wanted us gone. The views, though? Insane. Sparkly river, golden light, Eiffel Tower looking all judgy. Worth it, kinda.

• Pro tip: Check their shoes. I learned the hard way.
• Mortifying moment: I fell off my bike trying to snap a pic. A tourist clapped. I’m still haunted.

Kid-Friendly France: Castles and Chaos in the Loire Valley

The Loire Valley was my “let’s escape Paris” plan, and it was peak France with kids. We crashed at a tiny Airbnb near Château de Chenonceau Château de Chenonceau, this castle that’s basically a Disney movie over a river. The kids lost it over the gardens—Max was swinging sticks like a knight, and Emma built “fairy houses” out of dirt. I got too into the wine-tasting and forgot to pack enough water. Classic. The castle’s maze was dope until we got lost for, like, 20 minutes, and I half-thought we’d be sleeping there.

• Oops: Forgot sunscreen. Emma’s nose was a lobster.
• Win: Found a bakery with mini tarts that shut the kids up for a solid 10 minutes.

France Family Vacation: Crepes and Carousel Feels

Back in Paris, we hit Breizh Café Breizh Café for crepes, because you can’t do a France family vacation without a sugar coma. Max got Nutella all over his face, my bag, the table—everywhere. I was dying inside but also cracking up because, like, that’s just how it goes. There’s a carousel in the Marais nearby, and we ended the day there, spinning under sparkly lights. It was one of those moments where the chaos fades, and you’re just… happy.

Wrapping Up My France with Kids Chaos

Look, France with kids ain’t all cute picnics and perfect moments. It’s messy, stressful, and sometimes you lose a shoe or your sanity. But it’s also kinda perfect—Max gasping at the Eiffel Tower, Emma whispering “so pretty” in a random garden. My advice? Roll with the disasters, pack extra wipes, and don’t expect a fairy tale. If you’re planning a kid-friendly France trip, check out the spots I mentioned and maybe grab Rick Steves’ France Guide Rick Steves for more ideas. Got a fave family-friendly France spot? Tell me in the comments—I’m already itching to go back!