Yo, Cycling France Is My Jam

Cycling France. Dude, just typing that makes my legs itch like I’m already grinding pedals through some sunny vineyard. I’m holed up in my tiny Ohio apartment right now, surrounded by dirty coffee mugs and a fern that’s basically dead. But my brain’s stuck in France—smell of fresh bread, sweat dripping in my eyes, thighs screaming on those Provence climbs. I got hooked on biking France last summer, and, like, I’m no Lance Armstrong. I’m just some dude who fell head over heels for those twisty French roads. Here’s my raw, kinda messy take on the 10 best routes for cycling France, with all my dumb moments included.

Why Cycling France Messed Me Up (In a Good Way)

Real talk? France was intense. I thought I’d roll through like some Tour de France hotshot. Ha! First day, I got lost in a vineyard, crashed into a ditch, and accidentally ordered two espressos in my awful French. Like, who does that? But those roads? They’re something else. Cycling France is like a sensory overload—lavender fields, cute villages, castles that make you feel like you’re in a Disney movie. I learned the hard way: padded shorts are non-negotiable, and always carry a map. Or at least pretend you know where you’re going.

My Hot Tips for Cycling France

• Gear up: Decent bike, helmet, water bottle. Wine bottle optional, but don’t be like me.
• Learn some French: “Où est la route?” saved my butt, like, a lot.
• Snacks are life: French bakeries are clutch, but they’re not always open when you’re starving.
• Embrace the mess: Getting lost is half the adventure. Seriously.

The 10 Best Routes for Cycling France (From My Sweaty Heart)

Here’s my list of the top 10 bike routes in France, straight from my sweaty, sometimes embarrassing rides. Each one’s got its own flavor, and I’m throwing in my screw-ups because, well, that’s me.

1. Provence’s Lavender Loops

Cycling France doesn’t get more postcard-perfect than Provence. The lavender fields around Gordes? Like riding through a dream. I did the 40-mile Luberon loop, feeling all artsy until I stopped for a selfie mid-hill and almost rolled into a ditch. Total rookie move. Check out Provence’s tourism site for maps and stuff.

2. Loire Valley’s Fancy Chateau Trail

Loire Valley’s like biking through a history lesson. I rode 50 miles from Tours to Amboise, staring at castles like Chenonceau with my jaw dropped. Tried to “sample” some wine mid-ride. Yeah, bad call. My legs were not happy. Loire Valley Tourism has all the route deets.

3. Alsace’s Wine Route Shenanigans

The 80-mile Alsace wine route is all vineyards and fairy-tale villages. I got a bit too into the Riesling in Riquewihr and wobbled my bike like a clown. Storks flying overhead were totally judging me. Alsace Tourism has solid route guides.

4. Dordogne’s Medieval Vibes

Dordogne’s 60-mile river route is castles and walnut groves galore. I stopped at a market in Sarlat, stuffed my bag with cheese, and regretted it when it melted in the heat. Smelled like a gym locker for days. Worth it, though. Dordogne Tourism has the scoop.

5. Brittany’s Coastal Breeze

Brittany’s Pink Granite Coast is a 30-mile stunner. Sea air, cliffs—I felt like a pirate. Until I fell off my bike waving at a fisherman. Classic me, right? Brittany Tourism has coastal route ideas.

6. The Seine River Jaunt

This 50-mile ride from Paris to Giverny follows the Seine, ending at Monet’s gardens. Got a flat tire outside Vernon and maybe cried a little. Okay, a lot. Visit Paris has good route tips.

7. The Alps’ Col du Galibier Grind

For the hardcore folks, the 20-mile climb up Col du Galibier in the Alps is no joke. I wheezed so loud, I scared off a marmot. Epic views, though. Savoie Mont Blanc has climbing advice.

8. Normandy’s Cider Route

Normandy’s 25-mile cider route is chill—apple orchards, cute farms. I drank too much cider and sang karaoke at a bar. Never again. Normandy Tourism has route maps.

9. The Canal du Midi Chill Ride

This 60-mile canal path from Toulouse to Sète is flat and gorgeous. Got sunburned and looked like a lobster for days. Bring sunscreen, unlike me. Occitanie Tourism has the details.

10. Corsica’s Wild Coastal Cliffs

Corsica’s 40-mile Cap Corse ride is cliffs, beaches, and wind that nearly knocked me over. I yelled “I’m alive!” at the top like a dork. Visit Corsica has route ideas.

Wrapping Up My Cycling France Chaos

So, that’s my take on cycling France—10 routes that stole my heart and broke my quads. I’m back in Ohio, staring at my bike like it’s daring me to try again. France changed me, dude. The smells, the views, the blisters—it’s all worth it. Grab a bike, snag a baguette, and go explore. What’s stopping you? Hit up France Tourism for more inspo, and drop your fave routes in the comments. I’m dying to hear!